Tad

From Wikiality

Tad is the building manager at The Colbert Report. His job at The Report depends solely upon his ability to finding ways to either honor Stephen, or saving Stephen. This includes regularly testing out how to save Stephen in case of an emergency, finding vacant buildings to honor Stephen in, attending auctions, and keeping Stephen in shape by tumbling and wrestling.

Tad, unfortunately, receives no health insurance. This is probably because he has close to perfect health. Although he does not need to work out, Tad still enjoys to bulk up. One way that Tad packs on the abs is tumbling. Often times, Mr. Colbert and Tad will practice tumbling on top of their building, or in the privacy of Mr. Colbert's office closet (intimacy is important in tumbling). Mr. Colbert and Tad spend many of their weekends at Mr. Colbert's cabin, where they wrestle in loose clothing.

Tad Facts

• He does not have a last name, though had he one, it would be rumored to be "Lincoln".
• He has no age.
• His name may be spelled as Thad with no ill side effects.
• He drives a minivan.
• Owns a cardboard cut-out of Stephen Colbert.
• Attempted to save the impoverished hellhole of Tuscumbia in Colbert County, Alabama.
• He has once killed a man in a wheelchair.
• He enjoys a nice game of Ping Pong.
• Until mid-April of 2007 was still locked in the col-bunker.
• You can grate cheese on his abs, but you shouldn't because cheese is best in crumb form.
• Owns the famous Helen Keller pump.
• He has perfectly smooth thighs.
• Not once has he ever passed GO and collected $200.
• Has never once thought of betraying his master, Stephen Colbert.
• Cannot tell the difference between an eagle and a chicken.
• Is not gay with Stephen.
• Tad's 3rd cousin (twice-removed) is suspected of being the chocolate-loving Popemobile jumper.