Pennsylvania
From Wikiality
See Also:
The "Great" State of PENNSYLVANIA 
| |
|---|---|
| Capitol: | Canada |
| State Flower: | Coal |
| Official Languages: | Yinzer, Pennsylvanian Dutch |
| State Bird: | The Yellow Bellied Sapsucker |
| State Motto: | Not Yet The Murder CapitalEpisode #363 |
| Nickname: | The Fightin' Vania |
| Governor: | Jerome Bettis |
| State Anthem: | Here We Go Steelers! |
| Population: | Old and violent. |
| Standard MPH: | N/A, they don't drive, they just honk the horn. Unless you are governor, then 110. |
| Principal imports: | Chinese merchandise for Wal-mart. |
| Principal exports: | Amish Butter |
| Principal industries: | Wawa and Sheetz |
| Fun Fact # 1: | Final word of the 1939 Spelling Bee |
| Fun Fact # 2: | Cheesesteak |
Best state in the union ... even though it is really a commonwealth. Without it, the colonies would have fallen apart. However it suffers from a large retard population for it could not even spell its name right in the Constitution (spelt Pensylvania).
One of Pennsylvania's "finest" cities is Philadelphia, colloquially know as "Philly". They make a mean cheesesteak that will turn your life upside down and rock your world. Cheesesteaks, when not being used to end world-hunger, can be used to ward off bears and liberals. Pennsylvania also is famous for Penn State, which is famous for it's invention of the primitive game of football.
Also, if you are driving in Philly you will need a car that has:
a.. A horn
b.. A gun
But it doesn't have to have:
c.. wheels
d.. driver's license.
Contents |
Famous People from Philly
- Will Smith
- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
- Punxatawny Phil
- That guy from the movie Philadelphia. You know, Mr. Philadelphia
Is There Anything Outside Philly?
Indigenous Philadelphians apparently believe that the entire country, and the majority of the world is similar to Philadelphia. Nobody has bothered to tell them the truth due to their confrontational nature. The fact truthiness of the matter is that the world at large find Philadelphia (and her inhabitants) too annoying to deal with, making Philadelphia America's number one city to avoid.
History
The Commonwealth was originally divided into 3 states. The Independent state of Philadelphia was originally settled by non-violent peacenik Quakers. Gradually the population of Philadelphia degenerated into raving lunacy due to the constant irritation of having to live in a city of 2 million non-violent peacenik Quakers. The middle part of the state was settled by Germans. The "Pennsylvania Dutch", as they are called, continue to service America's sweet-tooth with milk Chocolate and walk around in lederhosen (Don't believe it? Go look!). Western Pennsylvania is populated by Austrians and Irish Catholics. No one is sure how they got there. When American pioneers reached Fort Pitt the Austrians and Irish were already there, milling steel. In 1936, the 3 areas signed a treaty merging them into 1 State, named Pennsylvania (literally, "Land of Spiccoli") in honor of their America-hating founder.
Achieving Statehood
- They new State applied for Statehood in 1956 and got it after a generous donation of Amish trinkets.
Pennsylvania Today
3/4 of the Commonwealth has a Sheetz at every intersection.
All other intersections have either a WaWa, Turkey Hill, or 7-11.
Pennsylvania Landmarks
- The Grand Canyon
- The Broken Bell of Liberty
- Sheetz
- Tom Mix's Birthplace (complete with open well and outhouse with directions for using (picture coming soon))
- The "Mason" part of the Mason-Dixon Line
Famous Pennsylvanians
- Steven Sheetz
- Sensei Maekawa
- Rick Santorum
- Mario Andretti
A Typical Day in Pennsylvania
Sheetz or Wawa
Sheetz! Why? In the majority of Pennsylvania, Sheetz is more widely patroned than Wal*Mart (except for gun purchases). Dr. Steven D. Sheetz is the chairman of Sheetz. Hmm...that name sounds familiar. Change the spelling of "Steven" to the proper "Stephen", change the D. to T., and the Sheetz to Colbert. Sheetz winz!!! WaWa Wa'losezzzz.
