John Derbyshire

From Wikiality

John Derbyshire is a former British, now American commentator. He has been at the forefront of exposing the cowardice of the 15 British sailors captured by Iran^[1]. Mr. Derbyshire felt that he would have done much better, theoretically, if put in the same situation.

He also has been one of the commentators brave enough to call out the victims of the Virginia Tech massacre of 2007. He decried the fact that none of the students:

At the very least, count the shots and jump him reloading or changing hands. Better yet, just jump him. Handguns aren't very accurate, even at close range. I shoot mine all the time at the range, and I still can't hit squat. I doubt this guy was any better than I am. And even if hit, a .22 needs to find something important to do real damage—your chances aren't bad.[2]

~ John Derbyshire

Really, all these students had to do was ignore the death screams of their fellow classmates, determine there was only one shooter, deduce the calliber of the weapons, realize that such a weapon needs to hit a major organ to kill you (unless he is using hollow-points), calculate the time needed to relaod, determine the size of the magazines being used, count the number of shots fired by the rampaging killer, then position themselves to jump him during the few seconds while he reloads, and incapacitate him before he puts a bullet in their head at point balnk range. How hard could it be?^[3] John Derbyshire does it on his X-Box all the time!

[edit] John's Other Hypothetical Acts of Bravery

• If he was in Vietnam he would've killed, like, 1000 VC.
• If he had been on the Titanic, he would have punched the iceberg.
• If he had been in Pearl Harbor, he would have shot down all the Japanese planes.
• If he had been on United 93, he would have overpowered the terrorists and landed the plane safely
• If John was at the Alamo, we would have won
• If John had been aboard the S.S. Minnow, he would have done Ginger, Maryann and Mrs. Howell
• If John was alive during World War 0, he would have let Washington sit down
• If John was in Ford's theater, he would have blocked the bullet and broken both of Booth's legs
• If John was in a POW camp, he wouldn't need Rambo to rescue him
• If John had been at Columbine he would have caught the bullets in his teeth, spat them back at the gunmen and saved everyone
• If John had been sailing in Iranian waters, he would have eluded his captors, invaded Tehran and stopped their nucular weapons development program
• If he had it to do all over again he would've torn the wings off of and eaten the bee that stung him last week instead of crying, peeing his pants and calling for his "mommy"
• Kicked Chuck Norris's ass with a roundhouse kick better then Chuck Norris's

[edit] See Also

Nathaniel Blake

[edit] Notes

1. ↑ Brit Wimps
2. ↑ Spirit of Self-Defense
3. ↑ Oh, and if someone does get shot, how hard can surgery be? Derbyshire believes if McDreamy can do it, so can you!