Jedi
From Wikiality
The Jedi were a peacekeeping organization that existed from January 1, -4000BC (when the universe was created) until December 25, 0 (when The Baby Jesus was born). The Jedi Order disbanded after The Baby Jesus saved everyone's soul (except Scientists and Liberals). Jedis, like The Baby Jesus, could physically move objects without physically touching them.
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The Force
The Force is magic that God gave to the Jedi. It is the power that only The Baby Jesus now possesses. The force is concentrated in the hair of Baby Jesus, although some people known as BAMF have been known to posses this power.
Science of the Force
There is no science that can explain the force. PERIOD? Well, except for that one that I forgot about, but still. The Force is a Faith Based Initiative, killed by the great liberal revolution of the 1960's. It has recently been revived by the greatest president of all time, George W. Bush.
The lightsaber
The traditional weapon of the Jedi is the lightsaber. The lightsaber was replaced as the weapon of choice by Americans when Ronald Reagan invented the .38 caliber revolver in 1964. The samurai katana comes in close second.
The Dark Side of the Force
The dark side of the Force (not to be confused with The Dark Side of the Moon) is what liberals, scientists and communists embrace. These people hate America, our Troops, our Country, and everything that it stands for. The typical dark-sider is a henna-tattooing, tofu-eating, tree-hugging, whale-saving, war-protesting, hippy moonbat bent on destroying American values. Dark-siders are a true insult to us Americans, and should be eliminated by any means possible.
Becoming a Jedi
Jedi School
The only known Jedi school still in service is the Colbert Jedi Academy. There young padawans are taught the skills of truthiness and the force according to Stephen Colbert. They are also taught the many different methods of self-defense against bears.
Levels of Jedi
Major Jedi
Stephen Colbert is, by far, the most skilled Jedi Master in the galaxy. He once beat Luke Skywalker-Colbert, Darth Sidious, Darth Vader, Yoda, Mace Windu, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad all at the same time, then discovered a new planet and named it after President George W. Bush.
