Chicago
From Wikiality
The capital of Illinois, Chicago is a bear-loving city of Satan. It is home to the tallest building in the great nation of America, the Sears Tower, that for some reason the 9/11 terrorists did not smash a plane into. Were they afraid of the tower's rigid construction, built using the same materials Sears used to make Toughskin Jeans? Or were they conspiring with the bears? Some argue that you should stay tuned to Fox News for updates.
Chicago has given the world the best hot dogs and remade pizza to be meatier, both to the appreciation of bears and their cubs.
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[edit] History
Something about a fire, but nobody has CFD ribbons, hats, or shirts like the truly heroic NYFD shirts and hats available at a business with a flag near you.
[edit] Economics
According to televison and movies, 90% of Chicagoans work in advertising and the other 30% are hot-dog vendors at Wrigley Field. There is also a rising filmmaking industry thanks to Vince Vanghn, who did a movie here in 2006 with Jennifer Aniston.
[edit] Sports
The Chicago Bears are the official football team of bears, making them representatives of those evil, soulless creatures. Led by one of the worst football players in history (Rex Grossman), they will never win a Super Bowl, thanks to patriotic bear defeating by teams like the Indianapolis Colts.
Chicago named its football team the Bears because the late great Richard J. Daley hunted and ate bears to protect the citizens of Chicago from these Godless Killing Machines. If you think about it, Bears are just big bats without wings.
The Chicago Cubs were named for the orphans left behind by Daley’s brave slaughter. In fact, the Cubs used to be called the Orphans because of this. The Cubs have not won a World Series since 1859, when Ernie Banks ate a live Billy-Goat during game 7.
[edit] Education
[edit] Chicago Public Schools
Considered one of the worst public school systems in the nation (by liberals), CPS requires three years of learning about America and good things. One year of CPS education is learning about the founding of Chicago and the horrors of bears.
[edit] University of Chicago
The University of Chicago is where Americans first developed the nucular bomb which was used to liberate Japan from Communism and the rule of bears.
They are also home to the Birthplace of American economics, where Milton Freidman was able to paste the tablet Moses broke coming down from Mount Sinai and used it to lead America to financial salvation.
[edit] Northwestern University
Chicago is also the location of Northwestern University, also called NU, but not to be confused with the "other" NU, Northeastern University, which is based in Boston. (There is also a Northeaster Illinois University, but this NIU is not to be confused with Northern Illinois University. Neither of these universities are located in Illinois.) It used to be called NWU until 1973 when an English professor realized Northwestern was one word. Northwestern includes the Medill School of Journalism, which has produced generations of factonistas.
