Beer

From Wikiality

Beer
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.

Beverages

Appletini Beer Milk Bottled Water Alcohol Dr. Pepper Kool-Aid Mountain Dew Coffee Jesus Juice Cream Wine Vodka

Other Food-related Categories

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Makes every woman look like Charlene!

Beer. ie. God's Sweet Nectar, Blessed Drink, Perfect Satisfaction, Bread, and the Truthy Juice!

Made from a simple mixture of Hops, Grain, Yeast, Colbert Urine and Water it is a magic drink that makes you smarter, stronger, and more sexy.

Beer was invented by medieval Christian monks who were doing God's work and improving the world. However misinformed preachers, such as Billy Sunday, claimed beer was demonic, fostering the temperance movement. This lead to the Eighteenth Amendment, one of Americas worst mistakes. Of course God saw this mistake and he fixed it with the Twenty-first Amendment.

Mainstream Domestics

In general, mainstream domestic beer is bad. Very bad. It is like screwing in a canoe - F'ing close to water. For a better beer, try microbrewed, craft beer. It's like screwing, period.

Good Domestics

• Budweiser - The real American beer. (Note: Now owned by Belgian beverage company InBev).
• Bud Light with Lime - The real American beer...with lime! (Note: Now owned by Belgian beverage company InBev).
• Molson (Canadian)
• Colt 45
• Bell's Beer from Michigan (Beers of note: Oberon, Two-Hearted, Winter White)
• Samuel Adams named after an American Hero 'nuff said.
• Anything made by Pyramid brewing company.
• Anything made by Anchor brewing company.
• Any beer brewed exclusively in Texas.
• Duff Beer.

Bad Domestics

Bad Domestic Beer is UnAmerican.

For a bad Domestic beer try:

• Milwaukeeanians also prefer a particularly vile brand of beer such as: Milwaukee's Best & the ever famous detested Miller Chill.
• Any Beer that begins with the word Natural, Beer is made by man and is, therefore, not Natural. Never drink a beer that lies on its can!
• Any Beer that ends in the word light. Americans like Beer like we like cars, heavy and powerful enough for us to go any where and do anything.

Microbrews

Imports

Warning the consumption of an imported beer may be tantamount to providing aid and comfort to the enemy. It is STRONGLY recomended that any American should consume only American Beer. However, if you have the balls, and feel the experience may be worth the risk, here are a few Imported Beers that, under the proper conditions, may still be American to drink.

Good Imports

A bottle of Bin Laden's Blue Ribbon Ale chock full of evil (and good taste)

• Heineken - Dutch, in WWII they picked the right side.
• Bass Ale - If the British drink it and its not Tea, it must be special.
• Guinness - If the Irish drink it and its not Whisky, it must be special.

The following Imports should be avoided by Americans at almost all costs!

Evil Imports

• Any beer with a name you cannot easily read and pronounce.
• communist beer, beer from russia, china, p.d.r.n.k. (real countries get their names capitalized.)
• Anything from that one country. <- only the dixie chicks should have to see the name.
• Bin Laden's Blue Ribbon Ale (at right).

All You Need To Know

Beer: it's America's Drink!